The Colbert Report/Episodes/EpGuide/Episode 490
Production Info Intro The Axis of Birthdays and Arrests * the big news fairy tale arrest of Rod Blagojevich ** prepared for media attacks by wearing a helmet * allegedly trying to sell Obama's vacant Senate seat ** selling point: has new Obama smell * only FOX and Stephen are talking about it * Sean Hannity found lots of photos of them together ** Stephen found photos of his own *** at a ballgame *** Obama oiling Blagojevich with suntan lotion *** no evidence of tit for tat * today (December 10) is Blago's birthday * last year's b-day wish ** get away with your crimes * Ted Stevens lost * Hallmark birthday/federal indictment cards ** hey you're not over the hill; you're in federal custody THREAT DOWN! * president of foreign relations will be on later to scare everyone, in the meantime ... * Threat Down 5 China (no gong from Jimmy) :* a man kissed his girlfriend so powerful it ruptured her eardrum ::* the next day he didn't call or he did, and she didn't hear 4 Asteroids :* $100 million shield should be built ::* UN will try to negotiate, finally buckling by giving it a seat on the Security Council 3 Time :* a leap second will be added to 2008 ::* 2008 sucks, why would we want it to be any longer? :* a threat to Stephen's schedule ::* with his Plan a Second calendar, no room for self-reflection and doubt :::* 1999 free time, he almost swallowed his tongue 2 Pole Dancing Robots :* putting themselves through medschool to become an MRI machine ::* corrupting home appliances 1 Happiness :* British medical journal shows happiness is contagious ::* plague of positivity threat to our way of life and The Report :* what would the show look like if Stephen were happy all the time? ::* Stephen would wear pastels and have a segment called "The Joy Down" :::* featuring bears as number 5! :* Stephen looks terrible in pink; he's a winter SEGMENT3 * this is the season of forgiveness ** mall security should remember when he leaves with a Nintendo Wii down his pants * Commanders in Chief give pardons ** constitutional cootie shot * Clinton used it improperly ** Obama's AG designee pardoned Marc Rich * Bush pardoned the pretzel ** Segway is still languishing in Gitmo * Michael Milkin and Marion Jones knocked over a liquor store * Stephen wants one ** post date it for next week *** to cover in Reno with Sweetness * They will go to all-you-can-eat buffets ** and get banana pudding * spirit of forgiveness ** Stephen will show his mercy as well * New year, new administration ** Stephen has a raging pardon * The British Empire ** all atrocities even Cold Play * Weather Channel * Israeli Newspapers * Todd Rundgren * Black Hole at the Center of the Universe * not forgiving flavor crystals ** pepper banana (?) * forgiveness is now On Notice! ** right under Grizzly Bears * Stephen doesn't accept Forgiveness' apology Interview * Richard Haass * book: "The Opportunity : America's Moment to Alter History's Course" * president of Council of Foreign Relations * he says the next administration faces great challenges abroad, but nothing compared to what he'll face from Stephen * toy with countries of the world ** like toys * like Illuminati * and masons * non-country entities ** banks ** universities ** CNN ** foundations ** terrorist groups * US doesn't have foreign relations anymore ** Bush cut them loose * the world is not as fun as Vegas * where did the world get wrong ** America is right * he is a blame America Firster * biggest threat to ourselves is ourselves * we should be isolated and medicated ** a threat to ourselves * We are a force of good * China is a threat to us * when we give China $5 and they give us plastic, it's called trade * give one another a stake for getting along Epilogue * Dr. Colbert closes with a quick, yet sincere "good night!" Gallery Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Motherload Videos External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments